What kind(s) of death have you experienced God destroy in your own life, and in the lives of those you personally know well? (question asked by Elise Hurd on Day 20 of her legacy posts…Death into Life) . Death is suppose to be a hurtful sad thing, but for me it was freedom.
The death of me, was the best and worst death I have ever experienced. I remember in the beginning of me coming back to Jesus, I heard the Holy Spirit say this year you will cry more then you have ever cried. I thought for real? You know I’m not a cryer! ooooook. Boy was He right. My tears were the destruction of my hurts, my wounds, and my walls that I had built around my heart. Walls that kept people away but also kept HIM away. Death to myself, my ways, my pride, my rights, and my dignity all came during that year. Was it instantaneous? No, it was one day, one tear, and one brick of prevention at a time. Death of the things that prevented me from receiving His love, receiving His healing, receiving His grace. Without receiving those things you can’t give them.
You see this wall not only kept those things OUT but also kept MY disfunction and wounds IN. I needed freedom, I needed healing, I needed this death, I needed HIM! As I allowed Him to work in me, the walls seemed no longer necessary. For His protection was all I needed. As I exchanged my own desire and agenda’s for HIS the tears flowed and Love was learned. When I chose to humble myself (notice I said I CHOSE) to Him and to others, He brought in alive new things that were good and helpful to me and to others. The death of MY life and MY past was in that year exchanged for a new LIFE, New Future, and New path.
So today, I celebrate the my death! For it was the best thing that ever happened to me!
Your not wanted…No one will ever like you…No one will ever except you…Your ugly…your fat…your stupid…your disposable…you can’t….you need to be in control to protect yourself…hurt them before they hurt you…you are only as good as you look… you own your sexuality by doing whatever you want with your body…sex will draw them in…performance will keep them…use what you got…show yourself in the best light even if it’s not true…you can’t do it all…you must do it all…you will never make it…your no good enough….not educated enough…not trained enough….your wasting your time…no one will ever listen to you…
These are just a few of the lies on top of lies that the enemy, others, and I have told myself. I could go on and on but then it would be nothing but a big ole’ lie fest! For the longest time I didn’t know what the truth was. I was so warped and wrapped up in lies that Truth was an undefinable concept. I always told people what is true for you may not necessarily be truth for me. In some aspects this is correct. However, I came to realize that I needed….correction I still need someone…something that is an infallible unchangeable truth to gauge truth from. That is my God. His words are unchanging…and always true.
We all have lies that circle around in our head like the ones above…the only way to quiet these lies is to confront them with truth. The Bible, His Word, is always relevant, accurate, and tangible source to draw from in find the infallible unchanging truth.
If you have some of these life lies torturing your mind and soul then rise up in His word to see what the truth is about you. God’s truth will always triumph over satan’s lies. So as we talk truth, what does the Word say about you? Do you know? He talks about you all the time in there! Did you know that? He says you are beautiful, that you are strong in Him. He says so much and gives us so many insights as to how to live truth out.
I lay there unable to move, roll over, or even get up to go to the restroom. My body felt as if it were a 1000lbs. I went to bed early and woke up late, yet still not refreshed, mind still fuzzy. I hadn’t been drinking, was I sick? No, it didn’t feel like that. WHAT was wrong with me? This was not something I had ever experienced before. It was utter exhaustion. I had been taking care of my mom fully day and night. Yes, my family was helping but they were limited due to time constraints. My patience was tested by the minute, my body going nonstop. Until one day it just stopped, it demanded rest, and was going to get it whether I wanted to allow it or not.
In this moment I realized that I could quickly serve myself out of serving others all together if I didn’t rest. When God rested on the 7th day and told us to do so, it wasn’t because He was tired, it was because He knew we would get tired and become weary. So today, I am taking a Sabbath. A rest day. A day to let my body recover, my mind be renewed, and my spirit refilled. I have come to realize that if I don’t do this, then I am no good to anyone. I have nothing left to give. All the efforts that I make to be loving, kind, and go full steam ahead in all I do will be sabotaged if I don’t allow me to rest and refill. You can’t give out of an empty tank.
So my life lesson today is rest, take a sabbath. It doesn’t have to be a Sunday where you go to church. I don’t know about you but those days seem to be more work sometimes! Any day..a day. No mommy guilt, it’s not being lazy, it is necessary to continue on the path you were given to walk down. Because we all know that living for Christ takes intentional effort and energy all the time.
Literal love…Day 13 from Elise’s blog at The Giving Place. I came to remember when the meaning of literal love hit me like a 2×4 across the face. I was helping teach a fusion group and we were learning about intercessory prayer. One of my friends had worked a long day and was exhausted but chose to tough it out and come to the study. During this time we were discussing scriptures that have contingencies to them. I gave some examples of what those were, then my friend asked…”where are those found?” My response was, “Um in the Bible.” She said “Where?” I spat out. “I don’t know. Read the Bible! You read it right?”
Rude to say the least. I was irritated because we had just went over all that and in her exhausted state she didn’t catch it. Wrong? Absolutely! As soon as it flowed out of my mouth I knew I had messed up. I tried to backtrack but it didn’t work. I went home that evening and had to really process this event through. I Knew I had to apologize to my friend as well as the group I had humiliated her in front of, but I wasn’t sure how? I mean I’m sorry didn’t seem like enough? As I lay there I heard the Holy Spirit whisper…love. I was like huh? Apologize with Love….I didn’t know what meant or looked like so I began to search the scriptures. Now remember we are studying intercessory prayer, gifts, and all that good jazz. I immediately found this scriptures. Col. 13:2 And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.
<img class="alignleft size-medium wp-image-454" src="http://dorothystrouhal.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/poster_love_is_patient_flowers-242×300 viagra en vente libre en pharmacie.gif” alt=”poster_love_is_patient_flowers” width=”242″ height=”300″ srcset=”http://dorothystrouhal.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/poster_love_is_patient_flowers-242×300.gif 242w, http://dorothystrouhal.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/poster_love_is_patient_flowers-300×371.gif 300w” sizes=”(max-width: 242px) 100vw, 242px” />This was the revelation moment for me that caused literal love to begin being walked out daily. I then began to constantly check every action, every word,every motive with 1Cor. 13:4-6. I even considered tattooing it into myself to help me remember to do those things. A little crazy I know but I knew I needed that verse instilled into my daily life, in all I do. I needed LITERAL LOVE working in me and through me.
So when did you realize that literal love existed and you needed to implement it? Or have you? Literal Love for me in intentional love actions not merely a feeling. This is a hard discipline to apply but so worth it. If you can’t love others can you truly say you are living a Christian life? Just a thought. So thank you Elise for reminding me that Literal love is so vital and life changing in my walk with Christ and my testimony to others.
Double life..hypocrite..two-faced what ever you want to call it. Yup that’s what I was. Was it on purpose or intentional? Some may say yes, because my actions were done by me. However, I am going to say no only because my actions were reactions and I was merely acting and not thinking about why I was doing what I was doing. Did i know this then? Of course not! But I do now. Good girl on the outside…right hair, right clothes, manners, and a smile. “Bad girl” (or should I say hurt girl) on the inside trying to feed the emptiness and void she felt.
You see I always WANTED to do what was right, I just couldn’t. I did the motions but my insides were yearning for something longer then a temporary fix. I found myself misunderstood by many, with levels of expectations unreachable for a young girl my age without proper grounding. I knew I wasn’t suppose to have sex before marriage, but why? Because that’s what christian girls do? well, that evidently wasn’t a good enough reason. Was I to wait until I found the man I was going to marry? Well I thought I had found him…so then sex was ok right? Because we were in a committed love relationship. If we would have been old enough to get married we would have I’m sure! Yet we didn’t. Therefore sex before marriage happened. I was still a good Christian girl, just not doing the right things and I couldn’t tell you why.
Then I hid all my flaws, my sins, my ugliness behind the pretty church girl facade and I was miserable! No truth to my life, no hope, merely my brokeness, neediness, and loneliness to keep me going. When those are what is feeding you then destruction(usually self distruction) is bound to happen. Now that I have a grounding on WHY I do what I do daily with intent and I am no longer on auto pilot…my transparency now ONLY shows the light of healing that has happened because HE has never failed me..even when others did and I failed me….He never did.
When I had to tell my mother I was having sex with my longterm boyfriend she assumed I was a virgin and he was my first. When the truth was I had been active since I was 13. Telling her that devastated her. Telling her how it happened completely devastated her even more. The “good girl” image she had of me that I tried so hard to live up to left me no room for errors and no openness for guidance. I was left to figure it out and cover it up when I messed up, or so I felt. Sometimes it was lying to myself saying that if I don’t talk about it or forget it ever happened then it just didn’t happen. Lying to yourself doesn’t make the truth go away. Other times is was twisting things to make the circumstances turn out or become what I wanted them to be. I had become a master manipulator.
I couldn’t let my mess up be shown because I knew what I thought of me. I knew what would be said about me because I knew what all the church people talked about when other people did what I was doing! My labels, my sins, my damage was all hidden but you can only hide for so long until God will intervene. You know that whole pick a path thing and choose you this day whom you will serve verse. You cannot keep facades up while still claiming to love God and be a christian…He will allow you to expose yourself, not for Him but of you!
Elise’s challenge on Day 11 was this: Let’s shed some light on why He(God) is different than every other relationship. Let’s share why we know He is the safest of all safe places. She then asks questions as to:Think about the people that know you best. Has one of them ever misunderstood you? Was that a painful experience? Did it make you feel less safe with them?
Those questions spurred my thoughts above. The only one not addressed was How is God’s relationship different? Well, God saw EVERYTHING and still wanted me. He saw the liar, the slut, the bitch, the adulterer, the murderer, the theif, the master manipulator and all the other things I was and He still LOVED me! He FIRST loved me, sin and all. He saved me from MYSELF. He HEALED me, heart and all. When you begin to depend on the only true dependable ONE, He then gives you the strength and wholeness to live honestly, openly and transparently.
Am I flawed? duh! Just ask my kids! But am I trying for HIS plans and glory? YES and that’s the difference! I am no longer living this life for my self gratification and glory. I am living it for HIS GLORY. As long as God is happy with what I say, what I do, and WHY I am doing it, that is all that matters to me! I am now different because my focus is now different. My eyes are set on Him and the things from above not myself and things whirling around me.
She laid there almost lifeless. Her only movement was from the automated responses from her body as she seized. I thought for sure, this is it. I went into the next room and woke my son and daughters to let them know if they wanted to say goodbye, now was the time. Sleepy eyed and stumbling semi-conciously they each one by one came in and we gathered around her. Tears flowed and there was really nothing I could say or do. My husband prepared me for the worst because he knew it was coming and I would take it the hardest. When the sun rose we scooped her up and took her to the dr. Well, the vet to be precise.
I know your probably thinking really, did you just get all that dramatic over an animal!??! Well, yes but she doesn’t know she’s a dog so let’s keep that hush hush. Claire is my 7 year old pomeranian who has become one of our kids. We all love her as if she were human. When she was diagnosed a few year back with addison’s disease and I almost lost her. This became all to real, this particular morning. I remember sitting there with LITERALLY nothing to say. Then the holy spirit prompted a scripture to my memory. Gen 1:28 (not that I knew the address to it, just really the part highlighted. I had to look it up!) And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”
I don’t know if you have ever loved any animal but it truly is like a child to you. I was not ready to lose her. After the vet visit we found that her liver was failing because it not producing albumen. She was bad and they weren’t expecting her to pull through, so we brought her home to be comfortable. I went home and cried, then heard the verse again go through my thoughts. If I really believe that the Word of God is true, and what is in the word is true, then I have dominion over this dog. Sounds crazy!?! I KNOW! but I had to do some for real soul searching….do I REALLY believe what I say I believe? The INFALLIBLE Word of God? I mean if I have dominion and I speak to it, then it must obey right? Can I really speak to this animal’s body functions and truly believe that it must do as I say? That’s what the Bible says but do I really BELIEVE it can happen? Talk about a put up or shut up moment!
I must say this was one of the craziest things I have ever done, but believe it was a true faith builder in me. I proceeded to sit beside my baby girl and simply stroke her fur. I spoke directly to her liver function and told it what I wanted it to do. I spoke to her body and spoke life back into. Did I get all crazy and travail, moan, weep and flounce around? No, it was a soft, sweet solitude moment of me choosing to use the authority I believe God has given us and live out what I truly believed. I reminded God of His Word, and that it does not come back void. Then simply took dominion over her and her little failing body. Well I wish I could say she jumped up and licked me in the face like a brand new puppy! but she didn’t.
Claire did however recover slowly one day at a time. Her albumin levels began to build giving us hope and then suddenly dropped again a few days later and my faith was once again tested. Are you sure that worked? You sound crazy! But I stood by His word and on it. I told my husband it has no choice it must work. The vet was talking about us putting her down..and I said no. If she goes it’ll be at home. He found that she had fleas and a hot spot that was pretty bad from lying on it while she was ill. So he treated those, but the albumin was still dropping and that was the killer. I took her home and stood by my quiet yet faith filled prayer.
Come to find out…fleas deplete the liver of albumin as well as the weeping sore. Once the fleas and the sore were treated her albumin levels began to rise. Within 2 weeks I had my beautiful puppy back! She was happy, running, cuddling and barking at everything that moved! SHE was my miracle! I told a friend had I put Claire down when she had relapsed and looked worse, then I could see her sitting by another dog at the pearly gates saying…How’d you get here? Dog answering..I got hit by a car…YOU? Claire saying, My owners killed me because I had fleas! lol This was early June of this year, she still going strong and as cute as ever!
I realize it’s an odd story, and a little crazy sounding to lay hands on your dog. However, it did a few things for me. It made me put up or shut up! No more talking about the word and not acting on it! Secondly, am I willing to use what’s in the Word with the authority it says I have? YES! Even if it’s on a dog! Lastly, when it’s all said and done and looks like death is inevitable, will I still stand on what I believe? I was a defining moment for me to stop begging God to do things when He has given me authority to do it myself. Question was, was I willing? and did I really believe it would happen?
Have you ever had a moment where you had to truly do what you said you believed? Talking about biblical beliefs at church is one thing, but putting your hands to it is another. Life and death are in the tongue…this time it was life.