I crumbled to the ground, all my weight leaned against the car as I slid down. “I don’t want to kill my baby.” I sobbed. My heart was so torn, so heavy, so broken. Everyone that I loved — that I thought loved me — was asking me to do the unthinkable: have an abortion. Even at the young age of 18 I knew it was wrong. That snuffing a life from this world because it was “inconvenient” on my life plans or was “a mistake” by most peoples thoughts was not what I felt was right. Even just weeks pregnant I already loved this forming child, this gift.
The father of my unborn child wasn’t ready for children(but neither was I, really). My mother who was the largest influence in my life wanted me to have an abortion also. I was so confused! How could a godly, upright woman not only condone this but push for it? After that breakdown moment, I went to hide. My mother had set an appointment up for me to merely go talk to the people at the abortion clinic(although it’s called a politically correct name that would allude you to believe it was helping you plan for parenthood). In my room, I wept uncontrollably and cried out to God. In my heart I knew I didn’t want to do this, but if my mom thought it was ok maybe I was wrong?! I opened my Bible seeking answers. I did’t really read the Bible. I knew scriptures from learning them as a child but I didn’t ever open it on my own except in circumstances like this. I went to the concordance and looked up the word bastard. Because let’s be real, that’s what a child without a father was called in our world.
Deuteronomy 23:2 showed up…2 A bastard shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD; even to his tenth generation shall he not enter into the congregation of the LORD. I wept even more. What had I done!?! I guess my mom was right, so I’ll go talk to the people tomorrow. My heart still torn, still grieving at the loss I had not yet had. I knew God loved me and this child… but if this what what His Word said then… well I don’t know. Confused, distraught, and crying to God for solutions to my life that I had so royally messed up, I fell into a short nights sleep before going to the abortion clinic the next day.
I will pause here to tell you a few life lessons I learned here, that I have held onto throughout my life. One, no matter what sins we have committed or are living in… He still sees us, loves us, and protects us. Two, you cannot depend on someone else’s thoughts on a situation to make a decision for you, no matter HOW much they love you or you love them. Regardless of their spirituality or church-going, you must take it to God and allow Him to lead you.
Thirdly and most importantly, read the Bible for yourself, please. You see, the scripture above was manipulated by the enemy to fool me, and it did. Because I didn’t know the Word, satan was able to use the Word to try and destroy me and my child. I had heard the word through church(not this verse mind you). I had heard the preaching of the word from others. And in this case, I opened the Word to find an answer, but I did not study the Word, read it regularly on my own, or apply it to my life. The enemy has used the tactic of twisting God’s words since Eve. It’s nothing new. Satan attempted to use it with Jesus in the desert at His time of temptation(Matt. 4:1-11). So why do we think he won’t warp it to confuse and deceive us now? Are we so prideful that we think we are smarter then Eve? or beyond the temptations that Jesus faced? So before I go on this legacy journey, this life lesson has formed in me the importance of knowing and understanding God’s word in it’s entirety le viagra achat. Now I don’t claim to understand it all, know it all, or “get” it all. What I am saying is, I actively read it, search it, apply it, and use the standards in it to help mold me into the person God has called me to be. By doing this, there is a truth that is released in His Word that combats the manipulation and deceit that satan may try to bring from the scriptures to confuse. So, don’t be ignorant. Educated yourself in the Word so that when Satan tries this age old tactic you can recognize it and combat it with the Truth from Gods word.