pregnancy testThe next morning came and my heart was still heavy and I was scared more now then I was  when I read the tests showing positive. I pulled myself together and rode downtown to simply “talk” to the people and get this over with. Talking consisted of medical information just as if I were at a Dr.’s office. Next a urine test. Well, I knew the results of that! I had already taken 6! Yes, 6! Hoping the lines would change but they never did. The next thing that happened would change my life forever.

ultrasoundThe nurse stated that they needed to do an ultrasound to confirm the pregnancy. Little did I know this was the step required to find the fetus before they aborted it. I remember feeling the cold gel hitting my stomach and jumping because of it. As it slid from side to side I lay there silently. Numb to all that was happening around me trying not to let the tears of solitude and confusion fall. Finally, the technician stopped and wiped the slime off still leaving a film of residue to remind me of that moment. I sat up and she looked at me in the eyes and said, “Are you sure you are pregnant? We can’t find a fetus on the ultrasound. Come back in a week or two and we’ll look again”

Relief and joy flooded over me! Was I actually pregnant? YES! but I knew that God had hidden my child and saved me from this abortion. He had answered my prayers and cries on what to do. I looked at my mom and she looked at me with astonishment and then confusion as we left. I had NO intentions of ever going back! It was solidified in me, this child, this gift was mine that God not only gave me once, but twice and I was not going to let anyone or anything take that away. 

fetusThe next day my older sister caught wind of the “visit” we had made. She brought me and my mother a book about the development of a baby during pregnancy. I sat there and watched my mother cry and weep on our couch as she looked at this book. The realization of her ignorance was coming to light. You see, this woman that I looked up to so much, that was God fearing was also deceived. She literally thought a baby was an egg(like a chicken egg she later told me) until about the 6th month of pregnancy. Obviously she wasn’t taught this in school or even through her own 3 pregnancies. She knew nothing really about abortions, the development of baby inside the womb, or the ramifications it would have to end this budding life. After seeing the truth and being educated, abortion was no longer an option. Her beliefs were not grounded before because of her ignorance, but they were now with her revelation of truth. Ignorance is not bliss, it is dangerous. Ignorance is what keeps us from knowledge, growth and the development in life.

IMG_4482I later came to name that wonderful gift Matthew. He has become one of my greatest joys and one of my proudest accomplishments. If for no other reason than he is just himself. I didn’t do everything right as a mom, but no one could have loved him more then I do.

This life miracle proved God’s Word alive and working in my life. It also showed to me His unconditional love once again.

Matt. 7:7 “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. I asked Him to help in my time of desperation and He did. Even in my sin and confusion He still came through for me and my innocent child. 

Psalms 139:16 Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. He saw the amazing man my child was to become even before I did, and did the miraculous. 

Psalms 23:4 Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. My son literally was hidden in the shadows as I walked him through the what could have been valley of death. 

Psalms 46:1 God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble. I cling to this one most. I hide in Him daily. He is my strength when I am weak and always there to lift me up. I was in trouble and He met me there, filthy pigpen and all. I was weak and He strengthened me. 

Romans 8:28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. God definitely worked this out for good. I did truly love Him even though I wasn’t living for Him. The life of my child was for a reason. Matthew was born for a purpose. Much more then just a miracle to me. I can’t wait it see God work in him and through his life.

These scriptures are just a few that have been proven to me. Through this life event, He and His Word was knit into my heart and life. Now, did I do what was right from there on out? Of course not, that would have been too easy! But this act of Love that He poured onto me and seared into me let me know that HE truly IS GOD. HE undeniably LOVES ME. HE WILL always PROTECT ME. HIS WORD IS TRUE for me. 

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