Here I am sitting on my back porch, drinking my coffee, playing my worship music, and trying to start my day off right with the Lord. That’s what I’m supposed to do, right? Yet, all I can think about is how useless and unproductive I feel. Don’t get me wrong — I fight these thoughts and feelings, but man, they are relentless. I’ve been fighting them for months now.
I’m sitting in the middle of a transition: leaving one love (my career as I have known it) to pursue… well, I don’t even know. At the beginning of the year, the Lord told me things would slow down with my makeup work and that I would have more free time on my hands. Little did I know “slow down” meant STOP completely. I was okay with hearing that at the time, but I guess I didn’t realize how much my career fed me and fulfilled me until it was gone.
For someone who was made to function in high-stress situations, produce on a large scale, and thrive on spontaneity, this is hard. Not having a clear lane for my creative energy to flow makes it very hard to stay focused. I’m literally fighting to focus, struggling to keep my eyes on the One who created me and waiting on Him instead of focusing on what He is creating in me, for me, and through me.
I want to make an impact for Him, but I feel like I’m grossly falling short. I want to do all I can to serve others and love them well, but now I find myself dodging social situations and struggling to even leave my house. Even though the thought of not being helpful, productive, creative, or making a difference is the darkest place I can go, I’ve been struggling to leave this place.
Now that you’ve heard all my ugly little thoughts and feelings from coffee with Jesus, let me share how He showed up in my life. It’s unusual, it’s creative, but so am I. It’s just the change in perspective I needed.
Look at this little guy… he’s falling! See? He’s hanging on by his mouth, and if he opens it, he will fall — fall into unknown danger. There’s nothing he can do.
I have absolutely no idea what this next season of life will look like. I know what I wish for, what I hope it includes, and where I would love for it to go, but I’ve surrendered all of that to whatever the Lord wants. As I know oh-so-well, what I think it’s going look like is NOT what it ends up being. I feel like I’m hanging from a thread, just like my little friend here.
Here’s a different view of this leaping lizard. He still seems to be struggling, and if you zoom in from where I am, it’s clear he’s in TROUBLE. How did he get there? What is he going to do to survive this? He can’t even move! He has no hope.
If we look at our lives close up, we will see what appears to be our struggle, hanging on with no place to go but down, overcome with the fear of falling into an unknown place with no return. BUT when you take a bigger view from where God may be seeing you, it changes everything, especially your perspective.
Perspective is EVERYTHING.
This little lizard isn’t in danger of falling at all. As a matter of fact, he is resting safely on the back porch screen under him. He is literally sunbathing where he is. He has no fear of falling, no danger of losing his footing at all. He is firmly set in safety.
I don’t want to strive for a life of busyness. I don’t want to just do and it not be for His glory. Looking at the bigger picture assures me that this small moment in time is all a part of His plan. That cute little lizard only basked in the sun for a few moments today, and then he scampered off. Little did he know how the Lord would use his delightful sunbath to teach me such an important lesson.
When we zoom in too closely on what we are feeling and let our fear define our perspective, it may look like we’re falling. But if we can just take a step back and look at the larger picture of our life season, it will help us know that the Lord always gives us a firm ground on Him to rest. He wants us to safely rest in His glorious rays, knowing He is always working and moving on our behalf. His perspective of things looks vastly wider, larger, and different than our focus.
Lord, help me to have Your perspective. Refocus me to see others the way You do. Help me view myself and my circumstances from Your bigger picture and not just with my small insight. Give me the wisdom and ability to do all that You have created me to do so I can give You all of the praise, honor, and glory — even when what I am doing is simply being still and waiting on You.