It’s been an “odd” season. So many things happening yet it seems like a my progression has been like molasses in the winter. Last night the Lord and I had a real face to face talk….OK maybe I had a temper tantrum and cried like a two year old but whatever. After my whinefest episode that drifted me sleep, I decided this morning I may need to go back and really ask Him for direction VS just crying about it to Him. The Holy Spirit led me to Mark 10:46-52, the story of Blind Bartimaeus. I knew He was trying to say something and so I started digging into this passage for the original meanings of certain words and phrases that stood out to me and here is what I found.
Mark 10:46-52 (ESV)
46 And they came to Jericho(meaning fragrant and pleasure). And as he was leaving Jericho with his disciples and a great crowd, Bartimaeus(meaning son of the unclean), a blind beggar, the son of Timaeus(meaning Highly prized), was sitting by the roadside. 47 And when he heard that it was Jesus of Nazareth, he began to cry out and say, “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!” 48 And many rebuked him, telling him to be silent. 
But he cried out all the more, “Son of David, have mercy on me!” 49 And Jesus stopped and said, “Call him.” And they called the blind man, saying to him, “Take heart. Get up; he is calling you.” 50 And throwing off his cloak(inner or outer garment, mantle), he sprang up and came to Jesus. 51 And Jesus said to him, “What do you want me to do for you?” And the blind man said to him, “Rabbi, let me recover(meaning reclaim from a bad state, regain strength, composure, balance;to get back) my sight.” 52 And Jesus said to him, “Go your way; your faith has made you well(heal, preserve, save).” And immediately he recovered his sight and followed him on the way.
So in my temper tantrum of “God! I’m having a ministry identity Crisis!!!!” I literally said to Him through saturated tears…I have no vision left…. I don’t know what to do now…I don’t know where to go with this ministry you have given me. So here I am, as blind as Bartimaeous was, sitting and waiting for…..what? I didn’t know.
The definition of all these phrases then came alive like 3D glasses put on for the show of I’ve been waiting to see….If you are sitting in a fragrant place…you can perceive it…it’s all around you…you know your where you are but you have no vision to take in the fullness of where you are or where to go. **Take note**. According to these definitions, you and I have the birthright from that which is highly prized. By legal right right it is yours! But don’t allow that fact that you once came from the unclean stop you. Bartimeous meant son of the unclean, however His father’s name meant Highly prized, therefore His legacy came from a high prized place! We came from the uncleanliness of sin, yet Christ was Highly Prized and paid for our new birthright through His blood. We all lose sight as where we are and what God has all around us at times. Sometimes we even take on the old names and identities others gave vs. the legacy our Father above has given to us and this leaves us blind. In those times what do you do?
What did Bartimaeus do? He cried out to Jesus….He was tired of sitting in the middle of pleasureable and fragrant place and not fully enjoy it or being a part of it. He was tired of sitting on the side lines begging for other peoples crumbs. HE was so tired of it he made a ruckus so Jesus would hear him. Are you tired of where you are?Tired enough to make a ruckus during your prayer time? Crying out to Him…”JESUS, hear me!! Have mercy…have compassion on me!!! I don’t want to stay in this state anymore!”
However, Bartimaeus didn’t just cry out, throw a fit, or whine. He didn’t just draw attention to himself for attentions sake. When others rebuked him for his “unsavory actions” he ignored them and continued crying out to Jesus….until Jesus called him. Not answered him….CALLED for HIM. He summoned Bartimaeus in, He invited Him. You are called! I am called! He has called us! The question is are you still sitting there on the sidelines waiting on something or someone else?
Bartimaeus GOT UP and went to Jesus. He threw off the old cloak…the old covering that he identified himself with …He threw of the old mantle that he had on when he was blind and came to Jesus! Are you willing to get up and throw off what you have identified yourself with? Covered yourself with(on the inside or out?)? Are you willing to take the mantle off that you have been sitting so comfortable in to see what new vision Jesus has for you? Or are you ok with the unknown and sideline seat?
When Jesus asked Bartimaeus what he wanted, he replied let me recover. RECOVER. This means he once had vision! He could see! He once knew the full scope of the pleasure of where he was. He could at one time see the the amazing things that were so fragrant to his nostrils. He missed it and wanted it back!
So, when we lose our vision for our life path… or for our ministry? Does it mean it’s over? When we feel blind and lost in what we should do, where we should go, or what is next…What do we do? Quit? Beg? Sit on the sidelines? NO! Bartimaeus was still called and had more to do!….We are still called and more to do! Cry out to Jesus for a recovery of vision, a recovery of sight, a recovery of the fullness of the pleasure and fragrance in the life He has called you to.
So my crying and whining, followed the Lords leading into the scriptures for me to once again know and see that He is good. My vision only has to see as far as Him. No sidelines accepted …. site recovered…and like Bartimaeus…following Him on the way.